I was in a book marketing group for self-published writers that started to dwindle in numbers. When the leader announced her decision to eliminate the group, we received an email from one of the participants. It said that he truly enjoyed the group and how sad he was that it was disbanding. I felt this way too and was thinking warm nostalgic thoughts. But then he asked us all to please support his literary dreams by telling our friends and family about his book, and he requested that we encourage them to read his work and write reviews as he needed more. As I deleted his email, my stomach twisted, and the thought that popped into my head was this. Why did he have to be so thirsty?

Granted, I’ve met tons of very generous writers. Writers who read your work even when they’re suffering from writers’ block. Writers who take the time to lead critique groups when they work demanding jobs and are raising children. Writers who host meetings at their homes and serve meals because they understand the value of community. Writers who gladly give you their agent’s contact info even when you don’t ask for it. Writers who jump in and welcome attendees to your book launch party just because they sense your nerves.

My gut tells me that there are giving writers and selfish ones just like there are givers and takers in the general human population. But I think it goes deeper than this. I believe that many self-published writers, despite having the power and agency that self/hybrid publishing affords, still feel like they’re being ‘gate kept’. Recently, I overheard a self-published writer say, “Only celebrities get agents and sell books”

Hearing this belief makes my heart sink. Not only have I personally seen non-famous self-published writers succeed, I believe that I can sell books too. But I get it. When you’re in that frustrated headspace, it’s super easy to get self-focused like the group member who sent out that email blast. But the reality is, the more generous you are with your writing and publishing knowledge, your time, and your talents, the easier selling your books become. So how do you avoid aggressive desperation? Below are some tactics that have helped me.

1. Remember that success isn’t finite. If a critique group member gets a publishing deal, that doesn’t mean you won’t get one too. In fact, if your surround yourself with writers who are achieving, their motivation and industry knowledge will uplift you. You’ll be even more likely to succeed.
2. Enjoy the journey. This phrase is repeated time and time again. But that’s because it has merit. If you’re focused on honing your craft, and building a writing family instead of the publishing prize, you’ll feel supported and fulfilled, not hopeless.
3. Measure your input, not your outcomes. Instead of focusing on reviews, sales, and rankings, put your energy into the things you can control like writing 1,000 words a day, posting weekly on social media, and publishing consistently.
4. Detach your identity from your sales. A book that doesn’t sell doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. Sales depend on many factors—covers, blurbs, marketing, readers’ interests, trends, formatting. You’re so much more than your Amazon ranking. Yes, writers write and sell books. But they’re sisters, parents, and friends too.
5. Make your mission bigger than sales. Write to make people laugh or to teach them an important lesson. Let your purpose drive you.
6. Adopt an experimental mindset. Your slow selling book didn’t fail, you were simply testing your cover and that virtual book tour. Experiment. Learn what works and what doesn’t work.
7. Give back to your fellow writers. What goes around comes around. That writer friend whose pages you line edited, might someday pass your name along to an agent she meets at a conference, or you might use that dialect technique you picked up while editing her book to give your own novel more much-needed authenticity.

Circling back to my book marketing group, in retrospect I think the reason people stopped coming to the group was because they were all looking for that one magic marketing hack. That one idea that would turn their book into a bestseller. Going on a podcast, collaborating with another writer, participating in a book festival… we talked about them all. But the truth is, building a solid writing career takes years of work. Hacks are just that, hacks. So, keep writing, working on your craft, building your writing community, and putting your work out into the world. And should you find yourself becoming thirsty, reread your favorite book to remind yourself why you love writing so much, and maybe reread this article too.

Thanks for reading! If this post resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you!