Truth be told, I’ve avoided writing about this topic because I haven’t wanted to come across as petty or whiny in my blog. But I’m taking a cue from Sarah Werner, whose honest podcast, WRITE NOW, has resonated with me immensely, and I’m coming clean.

 I am sometimes jealous of other writers.

There. I’ve said it. It’s out there, and I can’t take it back. I’m not envious of their writing talent. Of course, there are tons of writers I absolutely admire. Alice Hoffman for her creativity, and Megan Abbot because I can’t put her books down. Curtis Sittenfeld, whose writing feels brave and important; Carlos Ruiz Zafón’s amazing poetic prose; and my friend, Jack Lander, whose writing voice is insanely unique. I fan girl over all of these authors. Great talent doesn’t trigger me. It does the opposite. It inspires me. What makes my little green monster surface is when fellow writers seem to have a natural edge over me when it comes to marketing and selling their books.

Born salespeople who could sell a filet to a vegetarian, drive me nuts. This is likely because I’m an introvert and have to push myself to market my novels. I’m also envious of writers from the corporate world who possess computer and social media skills, which I’ve had to work so hard to acquire because I was a stay-at-home mom. I still feel like I’m playing catch-up. And then there are those writers who have lived in the same town their entire lives. They seem to have a fanbase they’ve been building since preschool. If you are a military brat or a corporate wife like me who’s survived transfer after transfer, then you understand what it’s like to always be the outsider. If you’re that writer who settles for a virtual launch because you can’t even imagine who you’d even invite to your book launch party, I see you.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Cause I’ve thought it too. The world as a whole isn’t fair. Stands to reason that the publishing world isn’t fair either. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Mary Frances. Turn on your grown-woman laptop, write the best book you can, and be grateful for the advantages you have. And if I am being honest, I have many.

I no longer have to steal hours to write while my children are napping or on the soccer field because my kids are adults, and I can write pain-free. I often think of those writers struggling with arthritis, back pain, or migraines. My husband truly supports my passion for writing. Also, I don’t have the financial worries that so many writers do. When I put it all down on paper, it’s obvious.  I’m truly blessed. So, what gives? Why the jealousy? And why do I feel ashamed for being jealous? I’m pretty sure jealousy is a natural and very common emotion. Yet, I’ve never once discussed my jealousy with my fellow writers… not at critique group, not at a writing conference, and not even when I’m grabbing Starbucks with my writing friends, and we’re just chatting about our books and life.

I, personally, don’t mention being jealous because I want my writing peers to see me as mature and professional. I want them to think that I’m evolved. That I see their success as inspiration rather than competition. I certainly don’t want them to know that I sometimes compare my Amazon sales rankings with theirs. Or that when they tell me about the agent they’ve just signed with, a part of me wonders if that wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t gone to USC with the agent’s brother. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want them to know that I’m flawed and human.

Which, if you think about it, is crazy. The best writers are in touch with their humanity. The best writers are real and truthful. They don’t hold back when they put words on the page, worry about offending, or being judged. You know the kind of authentic writing I’m talking about. It’s the kind of writing that makes the hair on your neck rise. It touches and challenges you to be different and better.

So why don’t we channel that same kind of honesty when we’re interacting with our fellow writers? Ego? Fear of being seen as negative or unconfident?  Think about it. Would being authentic about our publishing struggles, like jealousy, when we’re amongst writing friends, really be so bad?

Thanks for reading! Have you ever been jealous of another writer?  What’s your jealousy trigger? Tell me about it!